EXPOSED

Although it's only been a few weeks, 26 has been pretty good so far. I feel like I've learned something new about myself every day. I've learned things about myself that I don't like so much, and I've learned things that I love. I have many talents and strengths. However, among those strengths are many weaknesses. In learning my weaknesses, I can't help but to feel a bit appalled. I've taken various behavioral and personality assessments at work and for class. All in an effort to help learn myself and "work well with others". But with many of these tests, I find I can also use the results in my personal life.

My results were predictable. I know I'm competitive... I can empathize well... I'm organized for the most part. What shocked me were my weaknesses, or should I say... opportunities for growth. Among these opportunities for improvement were: I am very critical of myself and others (TRUE), and I can be fussy/picky (TRUE). Ok, ok... so I'll admit, my own best friend just told me a couple weeks ago "I am my own worst enemy", but... Am I just as critical of others? Can I be picky? I do fuss a lot. But wait a second... Is this me? Is this how I am? And... have I just been EXPOSED in front of my colleagues, my classmates? Now keep in mind, I am very critical of myself, which in other words means, I over-analyze everything.

Over the last week or so, I've thought a little about those behavioral tendencies and personality assessments. In a way, I was EXPOSED to myself. The way we see ourselves, is much different than the way others perceive us. For example, you may see yourself as a very easy-going person, but most people see you as... well... not so easy-going. Now don't get me wrong here, I don't take those assessment results completely literal and I don't believe we should walk around trying to please everyone. However, I do believe there is a lot of truth in them, and I do believe, as a culture, we need to check ourselves and do some self-inventory a lot more often than we do.

When I say self-inventory, I mean look at ourselves. I mean really dig deep. Be honest with ourselves. No one is perfect, we all have things we need to work on. For the majority of us, that one thing we need to work on is the negative energy we hold inside ourselves and the negative energy we give off to the people we come in contact with everyday. I am guilty of taking a bad attitude out on an innocent bystander or two... or three... you know what I'm trying to say. So my goal is to get to the root of any negative energy I have on any day. Negative energy comes from every where, our commute to work (road rage), a company giving bad customer service, co-workers, family, no one is exempt.

Today I was watching the rescue efforts of the 33 men in Chile who were trapped in a mine more than 1/2 mile underground. They showed footage of each man emerging from the earth running to their wives and family, kissing and hugging. One man emerged and kneeled down on both knees pressing his hands together in prayer and celebration. The President of Chile appeared on our screen and explained the various efforts of the government, who took over and got other countries involved to help in the rescue. For a moment, I though to myself... wow... America has been EXPOSED. The Chilean government responded so quickly to this possible tragedy, they utilized all the resources they had available to help their people.... our government could take a lesson or two.

Then suddenly, in the middle of my thought, a commercial break began. The local news did their regular weather updates, crimes in the area, etc. Then they ended it with, "33 men rescued in Chile- watch tonight at 10pm to find out the health risks they will now face from being trapped in the mine AND the love triangle drama that awaited one of the 33 men as he emerged." ARE YOU SERIOUS? Watching the scene of all these men reunited with their families, most of them probably thought they may never see them again!  Quite frankly, it almost had me in tears!  But leave it to some negative people to throw the drama in the story.  Why must we focus on the negative?! I mean it's everywhere!  Sheesh!

So my best advice this week is get to the root of our issues. Dig deep into ourselves, find out why we are the way we are. Find out what makes us tick, and what ticks us off.  We may think we know, but we need to know better.  Ask someone to be honest with you about yourself, don't penalize them for their responses.  Applaud their efforts.  Only those who truly love you will be honest with you, even if you don't like what you hear.  Stay away from negativity, figure out a way to turn away from it when it does present itself.  Accept the fact that we're not perfect, accept the fact that we are all flawed, and hopefully that will make it easier to cope with one another in difficult times.  Focus on the positive, love YOUrself, recognize your flaws and work on them when you can :-)  

BE BLESSED!



Riding the Wave

Well folks... I just celebrated another birthday.  I am now the big...

 I must admit 25 was the year of lots of great change in my life.  I'm not sure if 26 can top 25, but I sure am looking forward to finding out!  During the last year, I learned a lot things.  Here are a few that stood out to me the most:

   My metabolism is slowing down to what seems to be a screeching halt!  I need a little less Japanese steakhouse dinners and a little more of this...



hahahahaha!

I also learned...

Only wear one hat a time

While planning a wedding, taking care of a family, going to school, and working.  I get pretty confused as to what role to play and when.  25 taught me to only wear one hat a time, or I would literally go crazy.  Some hats do top others, for example I always have on my 'parent hat' no matter where I am.  But I have learned to take off my 'work hat' when leaving work.  Although this is still something I struggle with from time to time, I am getting better at leaving work... well... at work.  The newest hat I'm learning is my 'wife hat', which I'm pretty excited to get really comfortable in :-))

The last thing I learned at 25 may be the most important...

  

I have learned to 'Ride the Wave'

Every day has its own excitement, disappointments, happiness, and sadness.  When we wake up, we have no idea what that day has in store for us.  At 26 years old, I've learned to accept whatever life has in store.  Although my faith is not where I want it to be yet, I do trust that everyday I am moving toward a great destiny.  I've gotten a lot more comfortable admitting my mistakes (although it's still not that easy), and I've gotten a lot more comfortable forgiving. 

I've realized there will be great days, bad days, ok days, and days where I just don't know what kind of day it was because I was just too busy to stop and wonder LOL.  All these ups and downs can only be described as a wave.  The best waves are the biggest, and are the most sought after by surfers.  However, they don't always get the biggest waves, but they learn to ride and enjoy the ones they get hoping to catch a big one soon.  Our days and weeks throw us a lot of waves, some are dull and some are the best!  So what I've done is something similar to the surfers, I've accepted the dull in complete faith that a great one is coming soon.  I've been introduced to the art of 'Riding the Wave'.

Here's a poem that I really enjoyed and thought I would share.  The author is unknown.  I hope you all enjoy it!

“She came tonight as I sat alone, the girl I used to be…
And she gazed at me with her earnest eye and questioned reproachfully;

Have you forgotten the many plans and hopes that I had for you?
The career, the splendid fame, and all the wonderful things to do?
Where is the mansion of stately height with all of its gardens rare?
The silken robes that I dreamed for you and the jewels in your hair?

And as she spoke, I was very sad for I wanted her to be pleased with me…
This slender girl from the shadowy past the girl that I used to be
So gently rising, I took her hand, and guided her up the stair
Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay innocent, sweet, and fair.

And I told her that these are my only gems, and precious they are to me;
That silken robe is my motherhood of costly simplicity.
And my mansion of stately height is love, and the only career I know
Is serving each day in these sheltered walls for the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest, she smiled through her tears at me.
And I saw that the woman that I am now, pleased the girl I used to be."

The success I've seen in my 26 years of living isn't based on what kind of house I have, what kind of car I drive, or the numbers on my W2s.  My success is based on my growth mentally and spiritually.  Therefore, I am proud to say I am successful because GOD IS MY SUCCESS!

 (courtesy of RevRunWisdom)

Be Blessed All!

Rebuild Me

What an eventful week!  Despite fighting off a cold and overdosing on Vitamin C (not really but I had a whole lot of it!), I was able to get a lot accomplished.  This completely surprised me because I normally act like a big baby in need of lots of love and attention when I'm sick.  Instead, I was able to finish my last class to complete my AS in Business, and finalize the plans to begin classes for my BS in Business!  Between working full time to pay bills and raising kids, it was difficult for me to make school a priority.  However, in order to improve myself, I had to make it fit somewhere in the midst of the madness.  The last year and a half of extreme multi-tasking paid off.  Now, it's on to the next!

This week I realized no matter where we are in our lives, young/old, high school diploma/Ph.D., single/married, pastor/pope there is always room for improvement.  As long as we walk this earth, there will always be something to learn and some way to improve.  Many of us get lost thinking everyone around us needs to improve and that will make our lives easier.  However, change starts within.  Change starts at home.  Once the first steps are taken toward improving, change doesn't take long at all.  My seven-year-old son showed me this at our dinner table last night.

Late last night, my son decided to start his homework.  He sat down at our dining room table with a packet of papers and two loose sheets of paper.  One of those loose sheets asked him to look through a magazine and find an ad of someone helping someone else.  He then, in his own words, had to write what it means to be a good citizen and explain how the people in the ad are showing good citizenship.  The ad I chose for him was an ad for the National Dental Association.  This ad showed pictures of the organization's various community service activities, and it included their mission statement.  I asked my son to read the mission statement to my fiance, and myself, and this is when he surprised us!  He knew words like 'undeserved', 'underrepresented', and 'mentorship'.  Wow!  Those nights of forcing summer reading paid off!  I must say it was a very pleasant surprise.

The small efforts he put forth to improve his reading changed him for the better, and it sparked great conversation in our home.  We were able to explain community service, and its importance.  My son asked questions in an effort to truly understand the topics.  This change in him, changed me.  I have even more respect for the strength he shows every day as a good student and athlete.  When I see positive change in a person, whether it's myself, my family, or my friends, it absolutely amazes me. 

Usually change occurs when a person is put into uncomfortable situations and forced to transform the way they think in order to survive.  The weak don't change, instead they try to change everyone around them.  The strong adapt.  They change the way they think and act in order to elevate themselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Every situation, good or bad, offers opportunities for growth.  If we constantly look at ourselves as being in a 'rebuilding phase' or 'under construction', we will keep ourselves humble and open to learn.  This is vital in striving to be the best people we can be together, and individually.  I hope I can continue to rebuild myself and show improvement everyday.  I hope we can all challenge ourselves to rebuild, no matter where we are in our lives.









Living Loved

This week was a short work week, and I didn't have to worry about going to class since we were off for Labor Day- yes!  I was able to get a lot of wedding stuff taken care of and even got a chance to try on some wedding gowns with my besties!  In between wedding business, kids, and work, I have been able to enjoy a book called The Shack.  It's a fictional novel.  The main character experiences a great tragedy and wrestles with God, wondering why bad things happen to good and innocent people (good question).  At some point in our lives, I think we all wrestle with God when we experience bad situations.  Throughout the novel, the main character's relationship is re-built with God during an intimate weekend where he is able to speak with God in person.

This book really made me think about what it means to live loved.  Living loved doesn't mean every day will be a piece of cake.  Living loved means some days will be rough, but if we hold onto the love we have for each other, we'll make it through.  For me, living loved is sometimes going to work still smelling Similac on my clothes, or hearing "Mommy" every 10 minutes.  For me, living loved is also looking down at my phone only to see 5 or 6 missed calls from one of my parents wondering where I've been (even though I just talked to them a few days before).  When you are loved by anyone... a child, spouse, friend, parent, etc... there are somethings that person can do to irritate you, but it's only because they love you. 

It's easy for many of us to give love, but hard for many of us to receive love.  Love can make us happy, mad, depressed, and excited all at the same time, but above all, love makes us vulnerable.  I used to look at being vulnerable as a sign of weakness.  Now, I believe it's the ultimate example of a person's strength.  Being vulnerable to another person says, 'I don't care what you think about me, this is how I feel, and this is who I am, take it or leave it.'  It doesn't say you're weak.  It says you are genuine.  Love doesn't know embarrassment.  Love is completely selfless.  In its essence, it's the most simple and beautiful action we can give and receive from one another. 

As tomorrow marks the ninth anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, I'm going to enjoy the people in my life.  I have been blessed to be in the presence of great friends and family every day.  When I think about the families who were affected by 9/11, I wonder if they parted ways with their loved ones that morning saying "I love you."  I wonder if they argued with them over something as silly as chores around the house, kids, or money.  Tomorrow is an example of why we should love hard and forgive easy, understanding that living loved isn't always great, but it will stretch you and mold you into a strong, caring, and wise individual.  So instead of separating yourself from the person or people who want to love you as hard as they can because you're afraid, draw closer to them and enjoy Living Loved.

In The Moment

Another week is over, and it was a crazy one!  After going through my FB news feed every so often, it doesn't seem like I was the only one sharing in this week's madness.  Everyone's situation is unique though.  Some of my friends deal with the pressures of wondering if they want long-term relationships, others deal with the pressures of being a mediator between their kids and spouses, and a lot of us are trying to handle just plain old work stress (boo!).  However, we all have one thing in common... each one of us at some point worry about our future.  Where will I be next month?  What will I be doing this time next year?  Many of us have even set age deadlines for our goals, which is great, but sometimes those goals seem more like bricks on our shoulders rather than the blessing they truly are. 

Thursday and Friday proved to be extremely trying for me (as the end of the week usually is).  Waking up Thursday, rushing to get out the door and to work, I had a huge wake up call.  While pulling out of our childcare provider's driveway, I had a temporary moment of insanity.  I brokedown and started crying, beating myself up about not having my daughters' hair done, their nose was crusty from snot (I'm just trying to be honest don't judge me lol), I had a lot to do at work, and get ready for a final project in my class.  My chest tightened, my neck became stiff, and my shoulders began to throb.  Instantly I thought to myself I couldn't handle this, I'm just not strong enough.  I put the car in reverse and began to back up.  In the rear view mirror, to my surprise, there was a little girl in a wheelchair with bright pink and purple wheels.  She was heading down the street to the middle school at the end of the road... smile on her face, bookbag on her back... by herself.  Now this wasn't the first time I saw her, but this was the first time I took note of her.  Why was she right there in my rear mirror at that instant... and smiling?  She looked so happy.  Could it be because her parents finally let her walk to school by herself despite her handicap?

I drove off ... contemplating my temper tantrum (yes that is exactly what it was).  This little girl showed herself strong mentally and physically.  It was a really long way down the street to her school!  Yet, she woke up that morning not thinking about everything that was wrong but thinking about everything that was right!  And how strong are her parents for letting their baby attempt such a feet!  Could you imagine the conversation they had with their daughter, then each other?  Here I am physically and mentally capable of handling each one of my tasks, but I'm complaining and questioning my abilities.  Who cares if my daughters' hair isn't put into a pretty little ponytail everyday, they are alive and happy!  Who cares if they have crusty snot on their nose, it will eventually be wiped off I guess lol... I am able to go to work and perform above the expectations set for me, and I am able to finish my final project for class and get an A... I've been doing it this long, why shut the operation down now?! 

Instead of thinking about tomorrow, next month, and next year... let's enjoy what we have right now and not beat ourselves up over things that don't really matter.  The only thing that really matters is right now.  Right now I have a fiance that is committed to me and our lives together.  Right now I have 3 beautiful, healthy children.  Right now I have a job.  Right now we are alive, that means every day we are given a new opportunity to work toward our destiny... whatever GREAT destiny that may be!  In this moment... I am thankful... and commit to remind myself of that daily.