Rebuild Me

What an eventful week!  Despite fighting off a cold and overdosing on Vitamin C (not really but I had a whole lot of it!), I was able to get a lot accomplished.  This completely surprised me because I normally act like a big baby in need of lots of love and attention when I'm sick.  Instead, I was able to finish my last class to complete my AS in Business, and finalize the plans to begin classes for my BS in Business!  Between working full time to pay bills and raising kids, it was difficult for me to make school a priority.  However, in order to improve myself, I had to make it fit somewhere in the midst of the madness.  The last year and a half of extreme multi-tasking paid off.  Now, it's on to the next!

This week I realized no matter where we are in our lives, young/old, high school diploma/Ph.D., single/married, pastor/pope there is always room for improvement.  As long as we walk this earth, there will always be something to learn and some way to improve.  Many of us get lost thinking everyone around us needs to improve and that will make our lives easier.  However, change starts within.  Change starts at home.  Once the first steps are taken toward improving, change doesn't take long at all.  My seven-year-old son showed me this at our dinner table last night.

Late last night, my son decided to start his homework.  He sat down at our dining room table with a packet of papers and two loose sheets of paper.  One of those loose sheets asked him to look through a magazine and find an ad of someone helping someone else.  He then, in his own words, had to write what it means to be a good citizen and explain how the people in the ad are showing good citizenship.  The ad I chose for him was an ad for the National Dental Association.  This ad showed pictures of the organization's various community service activities, and it included their mission statement.  I asked my son to read the mission statement to my fiance, and myself, and this is when he surprised us!  He knew words like 'undeserved', 'underrepresented', and 'mentorship'.  Wow!  Those nights of forcing summer reading paid off!  I must say it was a very pleasant surprise.

The small efforts he put forth to improve his reading changed him for the better, and it sparked great conversation in our home.  We were able to explain community service, and its importance.  My son asked questions in an effort to truly understand the topics.  This change in him, changed me.  I have even more respect for the strength he shows every day as a good student and athlete.  When I see positive change in a person, whether it's myself, my family, or my friends, it absolutely amazes me. 

Usually change occurs when a person is put into uncomfortable situations and forced to transform the way they think in order to survive.  The weak don't change, instead they try to change everyone around them.  The strong adapt.  They change the way they think and act in order to elevate themselves mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Every situation, good or bad, offers opportunities for growth.  If we constantly look at ourselves as being in a 'rebuilding phase' or 'under construction', we will keep ourselves humble and open to learn.  This is vital in striving to be the best people we can be together, and individually.  I hope I can continue to rebuild myself and show improvement everyday.  I hope we can all challenge ourselves to rebuild, no matter where we are in our lives.









Living Loved

This week was a short work week, and I didn't have to worry about going to class since we were off for Labor Day- yes!  I was able to get a lot of wedding stuff taken care of and even got a chance to try on some wedding gowns with my besties!  In between wedding business, kids, and work, I have been able to enjoy a book called The Shack.  It's a fictional novel.  The main character experiences a great tragedy and wrestles with God, wondering why bad things happen to good and innocent people (good question).  At some point in our lives, I think we all wrestle with God when we experience bad situations.  Throughout the novel, the main character's relationship is re-built with God during an intimate weekend where he is able to speak with God in person.

This book really made me think about what it means to live loved.  Living loved doesn't mean every day will be a piece of cake.  Living loved means some days will be rough, but if we hold onto the love we have for each other, we'll make it through.  For me, living loved is sometimes going to work still smelling Similac on my clothes, or hearing "Mommy" every 10 minutes.  For me, living loved is also looking down at my phone only to see 5 or 6 missed calls from one of my parents wondering where I've been (even though I just talked to them a few days before).  When you are loved by anyone... a child, spouse, friend, parent, etc... there are somethings that person can do to irritate you, but it's only because they love you. 

It's easy for many of us to give love, but hard for many of us to receive love.  Love can make us happy, mad, depressed, and excited all at the same time, but above all, love makes us vulnerable.  I used to look at being vulnerable as a sign of weakness.  Now, I believe it's the ultimate example of a person's strength.  Being vulnerable to another person says, 'I don't care what you think about me, this is how I feel, and this is who I am, take it or leave it.'  It doesn't say you're weak.  It says you are genuine.  Love doesn't know embarrassment.  Love is completely selfless.  In its essence, it's the most simple and beautiful action we can give and receive from one another. 

As tomorrow marks the ninth anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy, I'm going to enjoy the people in my life.  I have been blessed to be in the presence of great friends and family every day.  When I think about the families who were affected by 9/11, I wonder if they parted ways with their loved ones that morning saying "I love you."  I wonder if they argued with them over something as silly as chores around the house, kids, or money.  Tomorrow is an example of why we should love hard and forgive easy, understanding that living loved isn't always great, but it will stretch you and mold you into a strong, caring, and wise individual.  So instead of separating yourself from the person or people who want to love you as hard as they can because you're afraid, draw closer to them and enjoy Living Loved.

In The Moment

Another week is over, and it was a crazy one!  After going through my FB news feed every so often, it doesn't seem like I was the only one sharing in this week's madness.  Everyone's situation is unique though.  Some of my friends deal with the pressures of wondering if they want long-term relationships, others deal with the pressures of being a mediator between their kids and spouses, and a lot of us are trying to handle just plain old work stress (boo!).  However, we all have one thing in common... each one of us at some point worry about our future.  Where will I be next month?  What will I be doing this time next year?  Many of us have even set age deadlines for our goals, which is great, but sometimes those goals seem more like bricks on our shoulders rather than the blessing they truly are. 

Thursday and Friday proved to be extremely trying for me (as the end of the week usually is).  Waking up Thursday, rushing to get out the door and to work, I had a huge wake up call.  While pulling out of our childcare provider's driveway, I had a temporary moment of insanity.  I brokedown and started crying, beating myself up about not having my daughters' hair done, their nose was crusty from snot (I'm just trying to be honest don't judge me lol), I had a lot to do at work, and get ready for a final project in my class.  My chest tightened, my neck became stiff, and my shoulders began to throb.  Instantly I thought to myself I couldn't handle this, I'm just not strong enough.  I put the car in reverse and began to back up.  In the rear view mirror, to my surprise, there was a little girl in a wheelchair with bright pink and purple wheels.  She was heading down the street to the middle school at the end of the road... smile on her face, bookbag on her back... by herself.  Now this wasn't the first time I saw her, but this was the first time I took note of her.  Why was she right there in my rear mirror at that instant... and smiling?  She looked so happy.  Could it be because her parents finally let her walk to school by herself despite her handicap?

I drove off ... contemplating my temper tantrum (yes that is exactly what it was).  This little girl showed herself strong mentally and physically.  It was a really long way down the street to her school!  Yet, she woke up that morning not thinking about everything that was wrong but thinking about everything that was right!  And how strong are her parents for letting their baby attempt such a feet!  Could you imagine the conversation they had with their daughter, then each other?  Here I am physically and mentally capable of handling each one of my tasks, but I'm complaining and questioning my abilities.  Who cares if my daughters' hair isn't put into a pretty little ponytail everyday, they are alive and happy!  Who cares if they have crusty snot on their nose, it will eventually be wiped off I guess lol... I am able to go to work and perform above the expectations set for me, and I am able to finish my final project for class and get an A... I've been doing it this long, why shut the operation down now?! 

Instead of thinking about tomorrow, next month, and next year... let's enjoy what we have right now and not beat ourselves up over things that don't really matter.  The only thing that really matters is right now.  Right now I have a fiance that is committed to me and our lives together.  Right now I have 3 beautiful, healthy children.  Right now I have a job.  Right now we are alive, that means every day we are given a new opportunity to work toward our destiny... whatever GREAT destiny that may be!  In this moment... I am thankful... and commit to remind myself of that daily.